THE RUDEST ROOT FOR A CONDOM TRUCK

As we all look forward to being released from the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown, Durex has come out with some clever marketing. In a story run by PR Week and B&T this week (1 October 2021), Henry Turgoose, marketing director at Reckitt Health, said that with increased freedoms expected in a few weeks, Durex is predicting a “sexplosion” in Sydney. They have suggested the rudest root around Sydney.

They are hoping this sexplosion will follow the UK. As restrictions eased it saw a 10% increase in condom sales. Durex is giving out free condoms to the fully vaccinated.

THE ERECTOMETER POINTS TO FREE-DOM DAY

As the vaccination rates approach 80% Durex is letting everyone know with the release of their mobile “Erectometer” truck. It uses a condom dial to track vaccination milestones.

The Erectometer is to cruise the streets of Sydney in anticipation of “Free-DOM Day”. It will stop off at locations along the city’s cheekiest “root” … “pulling into Homebush, Mona Vale, Balls Head Bay, Pleasure Point and more”.

FINDING THE RUDEST ROOT

I was a little bit disappointed in Durex’s “root”. Surely there are naughtier and funnier places to go than Homebush and Mona Vale. Rooty Hill would have to be a good start. I wanted a better “root”.

There is a Marvellous Map of Actual Australian Place Names, created by British company Strumpshaw, Tincleton & Giggleswick (for sure) that would be useful but sadly it is out of print. Humphrey Butler, the company’s founder, was quoted as saying “there are a lot of Knobs in Australia”.

AUSTRALIA’S MOST FAMOUS KNOBS

Butler’s favourite is Prominent Nob in South Australia  but surely mine would be Peculiar Knob also in SA. However, the Northern Territory has Big Knob Waterhole and Victoria has Spanker Nob. Its a tight call.

DOWN THE BOTTOM

Tasmania has a number of places that would welcome the Erectometer including Lovely Bottom, Pisspot Creek, Prickly Bottom, Guys Dirty Hole, Ding Dong Rainforest, Pensioners Bush, Tonguers Point and Kockup. Tasmania is also home to Misery Nob.

If you don’t want to visit knobs, Australia has a huge assortment of bottoms: Lovely Bottom, Prickly Bottom, Deep Bottom, Officers Bottom, Broad Bottom, Bottom Fancy, Boomers Bottom, Round Bottom, Stumpys Bottom, Lake Fanny, Bottom Lagoon, The Butts, and Butt of Liberty (Tas.) Fannie Bay (NT); Break Wind Reserve, Backstairs Passage, Bumcooler Flat No1. and No.2 (SA).

FURTHER NORTH

We have further “north”: The Nipples, Mossy Nipple Bend and Breasted Sugarloop (Tas.), The Boobs (NSW), Mount Breast (Qld) and White Breasted Airport (SA).

OUR MOST FAMOUS DICKS

Some pioneering Richards have been commemorated at Curly Dick Road near Bathurst and Dirty Dick Creek in Nth Qld. Great men no doubt.

Free-DOM day

So make sure you keep your eye on the Erectometer. Because the sooner we get vaccinated the sooner we will be able to enjoy our free-DOM and visit all the knobs, bottoms and other rude places in Australia and in our own backyards.