Addiction to overcapitalisation (uppercaseitis)

Dear Tender Doctor,

Re: overcapitalisation

I hope you are well. I’m emailing you to seek your Advice and Guidance regarding a peculiar affliction that has been causing me considerable distress in my Professional Life. I am suffering from an Addiction to Overcapitalisation (also known as uppercaseitis).

It all started innocently, I wanted to emphasise Important Points And Make My Words Stand Out. However, this Addiction to Capitalising common nouns has spiralled into a Disease that I can no longer control. I feel the need to capitalise words at random, convert Acronyms into capitalised phrases; and insert Upper Case letters into The Subject Lines Of My Emails, The Titles Of Blog Posts, and even Social Media Update Titles.

The consequences have been both Embarrassing And Career-Limiting. My writing is sometimes hard to understand. Colleagues have remarked on the poor quality of my writing, which, ironically, was intended to Convey Importance and Gravitas.

I fear that My Overcapitalisation Tendencies Are Hindering Effective Communication And Tainting My Professional Image. I would greatly appreciate any Advice or Strategies you can offer to help me. What should I do?

Regards Bad Business-writer [name changed] …

Hello Bad Business-writer,

Well done! You have accepted that you are not a professional writer and have sought advice to overcome this very common affliction. These are important first steps. Here are some things that I think will help you overcome the problem.

Firstly—learn the difference between common nouns and proper nouns. This was something you should have learnt in primary school!

Secondly—acknowledge that not every noun requires capitalisation—resist the urge to capitalise words just because you think they are important. Headings should be in sentence case, for instance.

Thirdly—choose good writers as role models, read books and newspapers—do not take your lead from contracts written by lawyers; or social media posts written by bloggers or influencers—these people are not professional writers and some of them are illiterate. [Note that AI gets its writing lessons from these people as well!].

Fourthly—get your writing checked by an editor or a proof-reader—this will undoubtedly help you to improve  and you might even learn enough to be able to write good business copy on your own.

All the best, Bad Business-writer, the sooner you take this advice the sooner your readers will be take your writing seriously. Yours faithfully &etc